Goal: In key scenes, add facial expression, micro-actions, and a short inner line so readers feel with the hero—not just watch the plot.
1) Why avoid “hollow emotion”
- Kids need emotional handles: beyond events, they must sense the hero’s nerves/fear/bravery.
- Pure action = cold narration: if you only write “He walks to the line,” we can’t read his state of mind.
- Action carries emotion: concrete beats—swallowing, clenching, quick breaths—work better for kids than abstract labels.
Memory hook: Action + Expression + Inner voice = the empathy trio
2) Common missteps (contrast examples)
| Misstep | ❌ Hollow line | ✅ Completed with “expression + micro-action + inner voice” |
|---|---|---|
| Action only | “Tortoise walks to the line.” | “Tortoise walks to the line, gulps hard, eyes fixed. ‘I can try.’” |
| Result only | “He gave the medal to her.” | “He hands her the medal, cheeks warm, lip biting. ‘She earned it,’ he thinks.” |
| Abstract piling | “He felt courage.” | “He clenches his fists, heart racing, whispers, ‘Don’t stop now.’” |
3) Three-step quick fix (add the empathy trio on key pages)
- Expression: eyes/mouth/cheeks (blink, lip-bite, blush).
- Micro-actions: small moves of hands/feet/breath (clench, tiptoe, hunch, squeeze).
- Inner voice: one short thought (≤6 words, conversational).
Tip: add on turning points / conflict peaks, not on every page.
One-line takeaway
Empathy trio = Expression + Micro-actions + Inner voice. Add these on key pages so kids don’t just understand the story—they feel the heartbeat of the character.
Next up: B02 | Preachy Lines: Hide the value in actions; keep the ending ≤10 words